That last name just fits *so* well into headline insolence.

Oddly enough, the above video could also be used as an argument why the first few weeks of the “American Idol” auditions are consistently entertaining.

The STLToday.com online editor decided to have a little fun at Mr. Slaten’s expense, posting the following picture on the front page of the website.

I don’t care how much of an ass you think he is, slapping a picture of him smiling next to that headline is just mean.  Mean, yet hilarious.

Side Note: Been out for a bit, and for that, we apologize.  Been feverishly involved in operations over at JoeSportsFan.com, but we’re dedicated to getting this puppy updated at least once a day again.  Sincerely appreciate the emails we’ve gotten that involve some form of “where the hell have you been?” sentiments.  They show you care.  A tear.

Nevertheless, let’s get back into it, shall we?

Throughout the month of July, one of the three outfield slots in the Cardinals lineup has produced offensive numbers that are flirting with the wrong end of history.  The name occupying that spot is simple, yet speaks volumes:

Dunkiel. 

It is the combination of Tony LaRussa pets Chris Duncan and Rick Ankiel and together they have had one of the worst months of production in recent history. 

Their collective offensive output over the month has been stunningly bad: 3 hits in 56 at bats, an On Base Percentage of .209, a Slugging Percentage of .054, 1 run, 2 RBI, 18 strikeouts.  Going into Monday’s game, of the 292 hitters in the Majors  that have registered 25 plate appearances or more in July, Ankiel ranked 292nd in OPS with Duncan just two slots above him at 290.
    
And despite these struggles, on virtually every single night, Hall of Fame manager Tony LaRussa continues to pencil one or both of them into the starting lineup…typically batting as high as fifth.  In 17 total games for the team in the month of July, 15 of them have seen one of the two in the starting lineup.  

Let’s make it clear that it is not as if these two sluggers are simply having a rough month in an otherwise productive season.  This is no coincidence. 

For the season, Ankiel’s line looks like this: .213/.275/.356, 5 HR, 22 RBI, 17 BB, 54 K.  Duncan’s isn’t much better: .228/.330/.359, 5 HR, 32 RBI, 41 BB, 67 K. 

For those sabermetrically inclined, Duncan is currently clocking in with a     -5.4 wRAA (Runs Above Average) according to Fangraphs, with Ankiel earning a spot in the league’s Bottom 10 at -11.4.  As a comparison, Albert Pujols’ wRAA is 47.8.   Translation for those not saber-savvy: Albert Pujols could step up to the plate with a 12 inch Subway Club serving as his bat and I would still be more confident in him getting a hit than I would Dunkiel under normal circumstances. 

In 2006, The Hardball Times made a strong case that Neifi Perez was in fact the single worst hitter in baseball history.  Needless to say, Perez had some rough stretches at the plate.  However in evaluating his entire body of work, we found that at no time during his 12-year career did Perez have a month in which he posted an OPS as bad as Dunkiel’s.  His worst came in June 2002 when he posted a .388. 

Arguably the worst hitter in baseball history has never had a month as bad as July has been for Dunkiel. 

What Cardinals fans are seeing may never be duplicated – a tandem of outfielders sharing time in the starting lineup and producing equally horrific numbers in an all-out battle to see who can take a seat on the bench permanently.

Just when it seemed like they might be starting to make a late run to respectability before the end of the month - with Ankiel going 2-4 last night in Houston – the second half of the tandem, Duncan, grounded into a game-ending double play in his only at bat. 

Who could have seen that coming?

[ STLCardinals.com ]

Over the next 48 hours, we’ll give you a glimpse into the sights and sounds of downtown St. Louis. Check back early and often as we’ll deliver our observational appeal in and around the stadium. Maybe you’ll get some video from inside the stadium, or maybe you’ll get a picture of a homeless guy wearing a vintage Cardinals hat. Who knows.

We’re “live blogging” the events around the All Star Game over at JoeSportsFan.com, and will post some additional action right here.

“The St. Louis Visitors Commission wishes to clarify for anyone that is planning on visiting our beautiful city for the 2009 All Star fesitivites that the national treasure known as the Gateway Arch at the Jefferson National Expansion Memorial remains securely entrenched in its position along the banks of the Mississippi River.  According to the experts from the local science and paranormal communities, as of their most recent inspection, the monument did not demonstrate any traits that would lead us to believe that it is a massive magnetic tractor beam designed to scoop up humans and drop them at the feet of the God Albert Pujols for sacrifice as has been depicted in the ads.  

To our knowledge, Mr. Pujols does not maintain any mind control over this or any other national monument, only over Odalis Perez.”